When your child refuses food, it’s completely normal to be worried. Many parents find it challenging to know whether their child’s eating behaviour is a normal phase or something that needs extra attention.
From the toddler years onward, food refusal and fussiness often become more noticeable. This is what we called the “neophobic stage”, which is a normal developmental stage where children are more cautious about new foods. While this stage can feel stressful, most fussy eating improves over time with gentle, supportive strategies.
Knowing the difference between a fussy eater and a problem feeder can help reduce unnecessary stress, guide you towards appropriate feeding approaches, support your child’s growth and development, and most importantly, help you recognise when professional help may be helpful.
The Checklist: Is It Fussy Eating… or Something More?
If you’re unsure whether your child’s eating habits are within the “normal picky phase” or something that needs more support, this checklist will help you get clearer.
It’s inspired by the clinical principles I use as a qualified Feeding Therapist:
1. How many foods are in their regular rotation?
- Fussy Eating: They eat a decent number of foods (usually 30+), even if it’s not always consistent.
- Possible Feeding Difficulty: Their list of accepted foods is short (often under 20) and feels very restricted.
2. What happens when they get bored of a food?
- Fussy Eating: They’ll return to that food after a break.
- Possible Feeding Difficulty: Once it drops off their list, it rarely comes back shrinking their variety over time.
3. How do they react to seeing something new (or slightly different)?
- Fussy Eating: They may be cautious, but can usually cope with it on their plate and might touch or lick it.
- Possible Feeding Difficulty: Strong reactions — big emotions, panic, gagging, or instant refusal.
4. Do they manage foods across different groups and textures?
- Fussy Eating: They usually accept at least one food per category (e.g. one protein, one veg, one carb).
- Possible Feeding Difficulty: Whole categories or textures are off the table (e.g. no proteins at all, no chewy foods ever).
5. Does their meal look anything like the family meal?
- Fussy Eating: They may not eat everything, but they join in and have a version of what everyone else is having.
- Possible Feeding Difficulty: They eat completely separate meals, often far removed from the family menu, and sometimes refuse the table altogether.
6. How quickly do they warm up to new foods?
- Fussy Eating: With repeated exposures and gentle support, they slowly move forward.
- Possible Feeding Difficulty: Progress feels extremely slow, with tiny steps taking months and often slipping backwards.
7. How long has the worry been there?
- Fussy Eating: The phase comes and goes, usually resolving within a couple of years.
- Possible Feeding Difficulty: The concerns have been around for a long time and are noted consistently at check‑ups or by others.
Adapted from SOS Approach to Feeding checklist (1)
What It Means If Your Child Ticks Several “Problem Feeder” Boxes?
You’re not to blame if your child ticks several of these boxes. This often reflects underlying feeding difficulties rather than behavioural concerns.
There can be many reasons for problem feeding, including sensory processing differences, oral-motor delays, anxiety, or medical factors. With the right support, these challenges can be better understood and early professional guidance can make a meaningful difference for both you and your child.
When to Seek Help and What Support Can Look Like
If your child’s eating habits are causing stress at home, mealtimes feel like a battle, or their food choices are becoming more restricted over time it’s a good time to reach out.
You don’t need a formal diagnosis to get support. And you certainly don’t need to wait until things feel unmanageable.
In my 1:1 sessions, I help parents like you:
- Understand what’s underneath your child’s eating behaviours
- Learn exactly what to say and do at mealtimes (and what not to)
- Gently support variety without adding pressure
- Rebuild trust at the mealtimes for your child and for you
You’ll walk away feeling more confident, more informed, and less alone in it all. Click here for all the details
Conclusion: You’re Not Overreacting
Watching your child struggle with eating can feel worrying and overwhelming, and it’s completely understandable to feel concerned. You know your child the best, and your instincts are worth listening to when something doesn’t feel quite right.
If you’d like reassurance or personalised support, you don’t need to navigate this journey alone. I’m here to support you and your child in a way that feels right for your family.
Written by Ming Yan Li, Kirsty, Student Dietitian and edited by Emma Shafqat BSc RD, Dietitian and Feeding Therapist
“Dietitian with a Difference” holds no liability for any adverse reactions that may arise from the advice in the blog. The content provided is for informational purposes only and does not replace professional medical advice.